Our story and precious photos.

Our family took over 500 pictures (and several videos!) of Lilianna while she was here with us.  I wanted to share a few for now, along with some of the details of our experience.  We are just so proud of our sweet girl.

Our entire family, including grandparents who flew in from Pennsylvania, got to be part of our special day.  I had a scheduled c-section, and they made an exception to the general rule that each patient can only have one person in the operating room with them.  Dale was beside me, and my momma got to sit right behind us.  Part of our birth plan was that the nurses would immediately hand Lily over to me without cleaning her or weighing her.  At that point we thought we had minutes (at most) with her, so it was extremely important to me that they wasted no time and put her in my arms right away.  I had prayed that God would give me just enough time to tell my baby girl how much I loved her.

August 12, 2011 at 11:52am...Mommy and Daddy telling Lilianna Rose how much we love her.

Praise God.

I love this picture, because while my momma was taking the photo for us, Dale was making a video recording for us.  It makes me smile to think about how precious her life was and how everyone wanted to capture every moment that they could.

I love her sweet little face and lips.  She had her daddy's perfect lips, just like both of her big sisters have.

The proudest Daddy.

From the operating room, we went to a private room where they brought our family and friends in to meet Lilianna and we were all able to celebrate her and love on her. This was treasured time for me, because Lily stayed curled up on my chest, and I knew that *she knew* I was her Mommy. 

Meeting her sisters. 

Kisses from Sophie.

At about this time, doctors started coming in and commenting on how "unexpected" (to say the least) it was for our courageous girl to be living and breathing on her own.  Because Lily did not have kidneys, I did not have amniotic fluid- which is essential to lung development.  We had been told that she would be gasping for air when she was born, but that was clearly not the case.  She was completely peaceful and content snuggled up with her Momma. They suggested an ultrasound to make sure that she did not have kidneys hiding in there that they had somehow missed.  When they couldn't locate kidneys via ultrasound, they suggested going a step further and getting a CT scan.  We never left her side through this process, because my greatest fear was that she would pass away while we were separated.  When the CT scan did not reveal kidneys, they really could not "explain" how it was that she was able to breathe so well or live so long without medical intervention.  Dale and I believe with all of our hearts that we were given something so beautiful, and it was nothing less than a gift from God. 

We decided to use our extra, unexpected time to give our baby girl her first bath.  She weighed in at 3 pounds and 6 ounces.

I love this photo, because we look like every new, proud set of parents showing off our perfect baby.  And I love remembering that that's exactly how we felt in that moment, too.

Lilianna and her bunny lovey.

Something I never expected to have the opportunity to do...feed Lily her first bottle. 

Cherished moments.

All snuggled up in her blankie.  She had black, wavy hair just like her Mommy.  

I struggle with how to end this entry, because it is still extremely painful for me to think back on our final moments with Lilianna and how she left us.  If I'm going to be honest, I will say that I'm just not in a place yet where I can find complete peace in all those details.  I can tell you that my comfort is knowing where she left us to go, and more importantly, Who she left us to be with.  And because of the hope we have in Jesus Christ, I know that we will be reunited someday.  In Christ, there are no goodbyes.  I can rest in that Truth, that not only has my baby girl been made whole and perfect, but she is so happy and SO loved and we will be together again soon.

I don't know that I can adequately express how honored I am that God chose me to carry this little girl, and to be a part of the story He wanted to tell through her.  Her "little" life has had such a BIG impact on so many.  We were able to spend over 14 hours with our daughter..kissing her, snuggling her, memorizing her features, treasuring every little noise we got to hear and every facial expression we got to see.  She was such a blessing.  My heart overflows with gratitude.

Lilianna Rose..my life will never be the same.  Thank you for fighting, brave girl. Your daddy and I will carry our memories of you in our hearts for the rest of our lives.  You were a precious gift and we thank God for you everyday.  We love you so much, and we will miss you every single day until the day when are together again.