Monday, September 9, 2013

Lily's 1st and 2nd Birthdays...
Thinking of you today little Lily girl.  And also missing our Texas home dearly..especially those certain people who made it "home"- the community of believers who poured so much love and support over us.  And most especially my very best friend, who has been there every step of the way.  Thinking of the way that friendship has carried me the last 2+ years, reminded me that I've wanted to post this video and photos of your "1st birthday party" here on the blog for, well...over a year! :)  Today seemed as good a day as any to get around to it, since your Daddy is at work, and I was *just* talking about your little life with a brand new friend who offered a listening ear..oh, how much that means! <3  Sometimes Mommy's heart is a jumbled mess and it just feels better to process out loud.

It was so special to celebrate your first year with Jesus surrounded by people who loved you!  There are no words to express how much that balloon release meant to me...for every balloon that went up to heaven for you that day, from all over the world!  My heart was overwhelmed, and it will remain one of the most special events of my entire life. 

To think that you just turned "2" in heaven is hard for me to even wrap my mind around. But I know you love it there.. 

In the weeks leading up to your second birthday, Mommy felt a heavy, unexplainable sadness.  It was as if my heart instinctively knew the anniversary of your life and passing was approaching, before my mind even had a chance to prepare or recognize what was going on.  It was one of those instincts only a momma can understand, having carried you in this body of mine for 9 months.  I swear I even felt it in my bones.  Grief so deep that I physically ached. Your Mommy just hurts sometimes, baby girl.  Life without you is hard.

And that is why, for your second birthday, we decided to keep things as simple and sweet as you.  It never ceases to catch me off guard just how painful it is to revisit my memories of you, beautiful girl!  So, for the sake of our own hearts, we thought we'd celebrate your life quietly and surrounded by a place as close to "heaven on earth" as it gets-- ocean front cabins on Bellows Beach, Hawaii!  Someone so very sweet and full of love for our Lord recently told me that, upon hearing your story, she believes God sent us here to Hawaii for a glimpse of Paradise.  Just the tiniest taste of what you are experiencing right now.  How precious that was for Mommy's heart to imagine. 

Your Daddy and I rented a kayak and kayaked out into the sea to throw you a "message in a bottle".  We wrote your name in the sand. We ate pineapple "angel food" cake (your oldest sister's idea-- every year we'll make you a different *angel* food cake, Lily girl!), and we woke up to watch the sunrise on both your birthday, and your Jesus Day, the 13th.  Sunrises as gorgeous as you, standing at the shore of God's ocean.  I was reminded just how small I am, but comforted by how big He is.  It was breathtaking and fitting, my love! 

 ~All my love until *eternity*, Mommy <3
"Now *hope* does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. " ~Romans 5:5

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